GET RID OF YOUR STORIES
Once you know what the beast looks like, you can slay it. Take your list of “can’ts” and “shoulds” and “I nevers,” etc., and write stream of consciousness in a journal (see example below), and really feel in your body what you’re getting from these old limiting beliefs such as: “I feel special, I feel safe, I get to live with my parents and never get a job,” etc. Make a list of these false rewards. Really push yourself to get them all on to the page. Then feel the attention the specialness or the comfort or the safety or whatever your trip is and really become clear on it. Catch yourself fully in the act and feel it all the way through. Now look at your list of false rewards for what they really are: scared little parts of yourself acting out.
Thank them for trying to protect you and for keeping you company, but tell them it’s time to run along now. Then, replace the feelings you got from these false rewards with the feelings of joy and power and excitement that stepping into who you truly are and who you’re now becoming will bring. Imagine that childish version of yourself leaving your body and the powerful adult stepping in. Breathe in the adult; breathe out the kid and the old story. It’s like finally taking the keys to the Ferrari back from the seven-year-old version of yourself who’s been driving it all this time, nearly getting you killed. See yourself as the adult stepping in to take your place behind the wheel. Keep envisioning (or writing down) what it looks and feels like to have the real, adult you replace your old childhood story.
Feel it. Get excited by it. Then make the decision that you’re ready to change and take positive action in the direction you want to go. For example, let’s say that lonelyhearted Sally finally got fed up enough to get mighty real with herself and face her issues around relationships. She’d start by getting clear on what her stories are: I can’t meet a man because there aren’t any good ones left. I suck at flirting. I never know what to say to men. I’m not attractive to men.
Not the good ones anyway. I scare men away. I don’t trust men. I don’t believe there really is anyone out there for me. Once she’s got her list (which could easily go on for pages, BTW, but for the sake of example, and because I’d like to leave the house today, we’ll stick with these), Sally can stream of consciousness journal about the false rewards she’s getting. And by stream of consciousness I mean just let it flow, don’t edit or overthink it too much, just write. In Sally’s case, her journaling could look like: By saying there aren’t any good men out there I don’t have to take responsibility for why I’m not meeting any. I get to feel victimized and right for staying single.
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